A year ago today Steve and I sat at chemo for his “New Year’s Chemo”. I was grateful to have him for another year. After the new year we found out that chemo would end in the fall. The doctor estimated (at that time) he would probably have about 4-6 months after chemo ended. Of course that was without knowing how the last 6 months of chemo would work. He was being optimistic. When Steve and I talked about that, we figured we’d get through the holidays, have another new year’s eve together and then sometime in 2017, he’d pass away. Of course we didn’t know for sure, but we were being optimistic. From the day that we found out he was stage 4, I…

It’s a little over a month later and the girls and I have began moving forward with our life without Steve.  I won’t lie, it’s awful.  Some days are okay, but lately most are not.  I’m really struggling with this.  I thought I would be okay.  I thought I was prepared for this.  I thought I grieved the last 2+ years, and I thought that was hard.  This is worse.  I was no where near ready for losing him.  I was no where near ready for the pain of missing someone that has been in my life, every day for 18 years.  Especially losing them when you have no choice. I also thought we had more time.  I thought we had one more Thanksgiving… one…

I had a house full of people today.  Just the way it should be.  My brother brought over a bottle of something for shots.  I have no idea what it was, I can’t remember.  But I do remember that I didn’t have any shot glasses so we used wine glasses.  My crystal wine glasses that I got when Steve and I got married.  So they were pretty appropriate to use! We all got together and did a “Shot for Steve”….. it was pretty fitting considering he enjoyed himself a drink or two over the years. A memory I will always cherish!

This morning I did the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I said good bye to my husband Steve. He peacefully passed away at 6:20 am and is no longer suffering. His soul is free from cancer, so he won! Thank you all so much for your prayers, friendship and love over these past 2+ years. Steve’s Obituary