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“How are you doing”
I know most days it appears that I’m fine, but I am not. I am still very fragile, sad, lonely and missing Steve. I wish sometimes I could hang a sign around my neck asking people to be sensitive to me, think about what they are going to say and consider keeping it to themselves. But I can’t. Unless you’ve grieved the loss of someone as close as a spouse, there is no way to know how it feels, and I don’t expect anyone to, nor do I want anyone I love to know how it feels, but it does still hurt and I think about him every single day. Yes, I need help from time to time. I’m doing this alone, I have…
A Visit In My Dreams…..
My husband Steve visited me last night, in my dreams. He was laying in a bed, and I touched his arm and asked him for a kiss. I told him I knew this wasn’t real so I wanted a kiss. He laid there and smiled at me. It was a nice visit.
Daddy Bears
One of my best friends had these bears made for the girls from two of Steve’s Hawaiian shirts. They are amazing and the girls absolutely love them!!! The shirts he wore tons of times so they remind them of him. Such a wonderful and thoughtful gift! Thank you Jaime Lutynski Kilday!!! You are an amazing person and I’m happy to call you my friend. Xoxoxoxo
Christmas 2017 was really good!
Christmas 2016 happened less than 2 months after we buried Steve. We all went through the motions becacuse we had too…. for the kids. But honestly, I felt like a fruad. I still sent out Christmas Cards, but they weren’t “Bright & Merry”… I did it because that’s what I do, I send out cards every Christmas. I mailed them along with Thank You notes to those that attended his Funural. Yes, it was weird. When shopping for my inlaws, I was completely stumped. What do you buy for someone who just lost their son… their only child. Not much. Actually, NOTHING. But I came up with a couple of ideas – I printed a beauiful picture of Steve that I took of him…
The Mourner’s Bill of Rights
I came across something called “The Mourner’s Bill of Rights” and there were 10 bullet points. One of them made me feel so better about how I’ve been feeling the past week or so – I have been SO UNMOTIVED lately. I haven’t cooked in two weeks, and have no desire to even go food shopping. I have new furniture coming for Allison this week which means everything has to come out of her room and I have the Book Fair at the girl’s school coming up in less than a week and I haven’t done anything for that either. I hate feeling this way. But at least this helps me to understand that it’s normal. It said “You have the right to be tolerant…
Steve would have been 46 today
I have amazing friends. I spent the day with some of them and we had a great time. We went to dinner and we celebrated Steve. We know he was there with us because a song he loved, that we were talking about earlier today, came on while at dinner. Then we saw a boat similar to the one his parents owned while he was growing up. We all agree that was him telling us he was there. Thank you for all the birthday wishes for him, all the texts and love you all sent us today. It really helps and I appreciate it so much!!!