Steve had his 8th round of chemo this week and he’s pretty happy it’s over because he has a break and won’t be back to the infusion center for 4 weeks.
Why the break? He needed it for so many reasons and without it, going forward would have been way too hard.
First of all, his CEA number is down to 11. So that’s GREAT! So if he’s going to take a break, now is a good time to do it since the number is still going down and the chemo is still working.
But the real reason for the break is because he needs it physically and mentally. Even with the reduction in the 5-FU, he’s still getting the mouth sores, but not as severe. But it does get in the way of him eating and he really needs to eat and even put some weight back on. But what goes along with not eating, isn’t just the nutrition part of it, but it’s also the mental part of it. He’s upset that he hasn’t been able to enjoy a steak in weeks along with other things he enjoys. And in between the chemo treatments when he doesn’t have mouth sores, his taste buds are off so he can’t taste anything. And this is happening every single cycle now and it’s getting a bit much. He could care less that he doesn’t drink beer anymore (and those of you that know him, know how much he loves his beer!) but eating is an entirely different story.
With his weight loss comes a lot more – loss of muscle and energy – without eating enough protein, he has a lack of energy and is losing muscle. He is drinking Ensure but he needs food!!!
I can’t keep up with his clothes and they are falling off him, again. He needs to stabilize his weight, if that is at all possible, and not being able to eat won’t allow that to happen.
His hands are still tingling, the cold is starting to make things very difficult and his digestive system is a mess. His body needs a break. His mind needs a break.
Mentally and emotionally, he needs a break. We all do. I can’t even begin to tell you how fast our weeks go by and then we are back to the infusion center, for another round of chemo.
Now he just needs to get through this week and by the beginning of next week, we are both hoping that he’s going to feel good enough to enjoy a few days. We have some plans, we are taking FULL advantage of this break and will be having some fun with the girls and making some memories while he feels up to it, with a big surprise up our sleeves for them!
We need to to feel like a family again. This cancer diagnosis is killing us all and we need to just put it aside and be a family again and not think about it. We want daddy to be happy for a few days in a row and feel good. Because that will help us all to have good days and feel good.
Plus, I’m hoping that a break will re-energize Steve and help him push forward with gusto!
I knew this was going to be hard, we all did. But I had no idea just how hard it would be. Neither one of us is in a good position. And it just plain sucks. I’m forever grateful though for all the amazing people that I have in my life. Family, old friends, new friends and friends I didn’t even know I had. And I promise, some day I’m going to pay it forward to them and beyond.