|

I’m a different person now….

ByKaren

Something happened yesterday that really upset me.  I wanted to cry so bad but my medication doesn’t allow me to cry very easily.  (And that’s okay!).  But I was very sad and I had a lot to do.  It would have been great to have a hug and to be held for a little while, I feel safe that way.  But that wasn’t readily available to me so I picked myself up and went on with my day and surprisingly, I was very productive.

And then later on in the afternoon I realized that 7 months ago I would have just shut down for the day and felt helpless, alone, sad… and I would have had a pity party for me because Steve wasn’t here to “help” me through it.

But I didn’t do that….. and when I realized it I felt amazing… empowered almost!  I am not the person I was last year…. I’m in such a better place and I don’t need someone to help pick me up (though it is nice to have, but not NEED)…. all I need is myself and I’m so happy about that.  I’ve relied on other people to help me feel good about myself, or to help me when I was down, for way too many years.  It’s unhealthy and not functional.   No more.

Boy does this feel so much better!

Similar Posts

3 Years Ago Today, Steve and I celebrated our 13th Wedding Anniversary…..

ByKaren

3 years ago today, Steve and I went out to celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary. It was a Saturday night. When we got home that night Steve asked me if I was happy (after 13 yrs of marriage, I think it’s a legit question! lol) and I told him, “Yes” I was happy with where we were in our relationship, I loved our new home and all that came along with it and the direction our lives were going in at that time. I then told him that I was scared that something was going to happen to ruin it all. He assured me that nothing would happen to take our happiness away. 3 days later he ended up in the hospital and they found…

Steve would have been 46 today

ByKaren

I have amazing friends. I spent the day with some of them and we had a great time. We went to dinner and we celebrated Steve. We know he was there with us because a song he loved, that we were talking about earlier today, came on while at dinner. Then we saw a boat similar to the one his parents owned while he was growing up. We all agree that was him telling us he was there. Thank you for all the birthday wishes for him, all the texts and love you all sent us today. It really helps and I appreciate it so much!!!

Mother’s Day – My Girls Spoiled Me Today!

ByKaren

My girls spoiled me today!! My day began with them letting me sleep in, then waking me to kisses and breakfast in bed – heart shaped toast, a hardboiled egg and a granola bar. Then they showered me with lots of presents. They really made me feel special today  It’s been tough being their mom the past 6 months, but I try my best and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them . They are my world right now . The day was complete with a great dinner with my mom and dad. I love my mom beyond words and I’m so lucky to have her. Two friends lost their mom’s this weekend, and I couldn’t even begin to imagine how they feel today,…

A Visit In My Dreams…..

ByKaren

My husband Steve visited me last night, in my dreams. He was laying in a bed, and I touched his arm and asked him for a kiss. I told him I knew this wasn’t real so I wanted a kiss. He laid there and smiled at me. It was a nice visit.

“How are you doing”

ByKaren

I know most days it appears that I’m fine, but I am not. I am still very fragile, sad, lonely and missing Steve.   I wish sometimes I could hang a sign around my neck asking people to be sensitive to me, think about what they are going to say and consider keeping it to themselves. But I can’t. Unless you’ve grieved the loss of someone as close as a spouse, there is no way to know how it feels, and I don’t expect anyone to, nor do I want anyone I love to know how it feels, but it does still hurt and I think about him every single day. Yes, I need help from time to time. I’m doing this alone, I have…

Daddy Bears

ByKaren

One of my best friends had these bears made for the girls from two of Steve’s Hawaiian shirts. They are amazing and the girls absolutely love them!!! The shirts he wore tons of times so they remind them of him. Such a wonderful and thoughtful gift! Thank you Jaime Lutynski Kilday!!! You are an amazing person and I’m happy to call you my friend. Xoxoxoxo

6 Comments

  5. Playing the latest is very pleasing to the heart and mind.

    If you like playing online games, Join us now. There is a
    great variety of varieties of online games and excellent consoles that can elevate
    your experience to an optimal level. All games here are free of course with
    some latest tricks to be able to play smoothly.

    Download the game for free in the direct link and full version. You can download the latest cracked games for GOG, CPY, codex, skidrow, and reloads.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.