Back Surgery is Scheduled for Today

It’s a little over a month later and the girls and I have began moving forward with our life without Steve.  I won’t lie, it’s awful.  Some days are okay, but lately most are not.  I’m really struggling with this.  I thought I would be okay.  I thought I was prepared for this.  I thought I grieved the last 2+ years, and I thought that was hard.  This is worse.  I was no where near ready for losing him.  I was no where near ready for the pain of missing someone that has been in my life, every day for 18 years.  Especially losing them when you have no choice. I also thought we had more time.  I thought we had one more Thanksgiving… one…

As a parent, the last thing we ever want to do is see our children hurt. We’ve raised our girls with so much love and protection in the hopes that they would always feel safe with us. As a family, we’ve been through a lot the past 23 months and we’ve tried to be as honest as we could with the girls, letting them know along the way how much we love them and that everything would always be “okay”. Today we had to do the hardest thing ever… today we told the girls that the chemo isn’t working and the tumors are still growing. And even though daddy was going to continue on chemo the next 6 months, ultimately it’s just to get more…

Our amazing community is hosting an evening of Yoga in honor of Steve this week.  I can’t even express in words what this means to our family.  Every week our friends amaze us with their love, support and generosity.   Calling ourselves Lucky doesn’t even describe what we feel.  LOVED is really more like it. Steve is a very proud man, so letting them do this for us has been very hard for him to accept.  But he’s realized that this is a way that all the people around us can help me, can take some sort of burden off of me.  It’s also a way for him to see how much love we have around us. I recently posted this on Facebook and I know…

Happy New Year! The last chemo treatment Steve received on Christmas Eve went well.  He over did it over the holiday with all our company so he was exhausted coming out of it, but he enjoyed the time we spent with friends and family so it was worth it for him.  He also got another mouth sore this time around, however it wasn’t at it’s worst and he was still able to eat more than just soft foods.  That said, he still dropped a few pounds.  He’s going to try and work on putting those back on this week. The doctor checked his CEA number on Monday and it was 15.6, which is a little higher than last time.  We never head from the doctor…

We got some good news today.  Steve’s CEA (tumor marker) number is going down again.   It’s currently 18 and was 28 four weeks ago!  That’s really good news because that means that the new chemo he started 6 weeks ago is working!!!  So the plan right now is to keep doing what they are doing. Steve is also scheduled for a CT Scan the first week of April – the 2nd or 3rd and then they will check his CEA number again on the 6th when we get the results for the CT Scan. Last week was 9 months since Steve was diagnosis and the fact that he’s still doing well and the chemo is still working at this point is really good! Friday, March…