2016 was a Gift

It’s a little over a month later and the girls and I have began moving forward with our life without Steve.  I won’t lie, it’s awful.  Some days are okay, but lately most are not.  I’m really struggling with this.  I thought I would be okay.  I thought I was prepared for this.  I thought I grieved the last 2+ years, and I thought that was hard.  This is worse.  I was no where near ready for losing him.  I was no where near ready for the pain of missing someone that has been in my life, every day for 18 years.  Especially losing them when you have no choice. I also thought we had more time.  I thought we had one more Thanksgiving… one…

Yesterday  (7/21/14) Steve and I received some really good news about his Stage 4 Colon Cancer.  His CEA number, which is the tumor marker in his blood, was lower – a lot lower!  When he was in the hospital the first week of June it was 536.  Then a few weeks later it was up to 834.8.  Yesterday it was 263.1.   Needless to say we both cried when I gave him the good news. That means the chemo is working. We saw the doctor today and he was very happy as well with the results.   He said the drop in his CEA is great after only 2 treatments.  I asked him if he expects that number to go to zero at some point, if…

Today we met with the Oncologist to get Steve’s CT Scan results and his latest CEA number.  The appointment wasn’t what we hoped for last week going into the CT Scan.  Steve and I both had different ideas of what to expect and neither of those expectations happened. First of all I’m very happy to tell you that his CEA number is 21.  Last time it was 64 so this was a nice drop and we were very happy to see it so low. That was good. Next is the size of the tumors.  They’ve decreased significantly in both his lungs and liver.  Which is great news!  But, Honestly this is where I was surprised as I assumed that one of his organs would be…

Steve finished his 8th round of chemo about a week ago.  This was the 2nd round of chemo with the reduced 5-FU (along with a reduction of all meds due to his weight loss).   The first time he didn’t see much of a difference as far as side effects go, but the second time he did. The 5-FU is responsible for the mouth sores and the tingling in his hands, fingers and feet mostly.  I guess it’s also responsible for the exhaustion because this last round he wasn’t as tired either.  He thought we has getting a mouth sore but it never really turned into one.  And his taste buds finally came back this weekend.  When he woke up Friday morning and realize that we…

Steve finished his 4th round of chemo today.  He feels this one went the best so far.  However, the tingling in his fingers from the cold came much faster this time.  Almost immediately when he got home on Wednesday. But other than that it went well.  He still feels fine, he even had more of an appetite than he has the last few times so that’s good! Four down, many more to go! Next time the doctor will check his CEA number again – the tumor marker number.  We are hoping it’s lower again.  He said mid September he’ll send him for a scan to actually see where the tumors are now or more importantly where they are not!  We are looking forward to that. …

Friday (6/27) Steve completed his first round of Chemo.  He was so happy to have the visiting nurse remove the IV and he was excited to take a nice long shower.  Something he can’t do while hooked up to Chemo. He is doing well.  Just very tired.  Having the surgery in the same week as starting chemo, was very hard.  He’s sore from ‘babying’ his right side (where the port was put in) and hopes that the next round he’ll be more comfortable with the IV in. As for side effects from Chemo, they were very minor.  He didn’t get nauseous (thankfully!), he was very tired, his taste buds were off a bit, and he didn’t seem to have much of an appetite (which we…