“How are you doing”

ByKaren

I know most days it appears that I’m fine, but I am not. I am still very fragile, sad, lonely and missing Steve.   I wish sometimes I could hang a sign around my neck asking people to be sensitive to me, think about what they are going to say and consider keeping it to themselves. But I can’t. Unless you’ve grieved the loss of someone as close as a spouse, there is no way to know how it feels, and I don’t expect anyone to, nor do I want anyone I love to know how it feels, but it does still hurt and I think about him every single day. Yes, I need help from time to time. I’m doing this alone, I have…

My Baby is 10 Today!

ByKaren

Happy 10th Birthday to my baby girl Allison. I can’t believe she’s 10! I’m so proud of the person she has become. She’s a super smart, loving, empathetic, fun kid that loves gymnastics, makeup, music, MATH and ZEBRAs! I love her imagination and how much she wants to be just like me. The older she gets the more she looks like her daddy and while she’d rather look like me, I’m so glad to have a glimpse of him everyday. I love her to the moon and back and so did her daddy!!! There was nothing more that he wanted than to see her turn 10, 16, 18, 21 and so many more birthdays. But he’s with her every day, I just know it! Happy…

Steve would have been 46 today

ByKaren

I have amazing friends. I spent the day with some of them and we had a great time. We went to dinner and we celebrated Steve. We know he was there with us because a song he loved, that we were talking about earlier today, came on while at dinner. Then we saw a boat similar to the one his parents owned while he was growing up. We all agree that was him telling us he was there. Thank you for all the birthday wishes for him, all the texts and love you all sent us today. It really helps and I appreciate it so much!!!

The Night My Husband Died

ByKaren

I remember the night my husband died as if it was yesterday, but really it was 5 months ago that I would wake in the middle of the night to hear him mumble for the last time “I love you too”. Friday, November 4, 2016 Steve was transported to the Hospice home in Providence, RI.  We (Mark and I) wanted him to go the day before, but he told us he didn’t think he was ready and wanted one more night.  When he was placed on hospice less than two weeks earlier, we discussed that he would be transferred to the home before he died.  We didn’t want him to die at home. Friday morning we got up and started getting him ready for the…

2016 was a Gift

ByKaren

Today is a new day, and a day to look back and reflect on the year. A friend wrote something that inspired me and made me look at 2016 differently. My husband died, that was absolutely the worst thing that has ever happened to me. But I’ve grown so much through that, and I like who I am today. 2016 was a GIFT and I am thankful for that. I had Steve by my side for almost all of it…. that was not something we knew we would have back in June 2014. Friends I’ve known for a long time and a shorter time came together and became friends. And all my friendships grew, tremendously! I learned from my friends and family what it means…