Daddy Bears

I know most days it appears that I’m fine, but I am not. I am still very fragile, sad, lonely and missing Steve.   I wish sometimes I could hang a sign around my neck asking people to be sensitive to me, think about what they are going to say and consider keeping it to themselves. But I can’t. Unless you’ve grieved the loss of someone as close as a spouse, there is no way to know how it feels, and I don’t expect anyone to, nor do I want anyone I love to know how it feels, but it does still hurt and I think about him every single day. Yes, I need help from time to time. I’m doing this alone, I have…

Today is 7 month’s since Steve died.  7 MONTHS!  I can’t believe it’s been that long, yet it seems like yesterday. Holly cried tonight.  She misses him SO MUCH.  He was her ‘person’.  She had a bond with him that will always make her heart hurt.  Holly cries a lot.  She thinks of him a lot.  She never misses the 5th of the month. She’s “graduating 6th grade” in 2 weeks.  She wanted him to be with there to see her graduation SO BAD.  She knew it probably wouldn’t happen, and she knew he was dying, but all she prayed for was for him to see her finish elementary school.  She knew he’d never see her graduate.  But he didn’t make it.  At least not…

3 years ago today, Steve and I went out to celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary. It was a Saturday night. When we got home that night Steve asked me if I was happy (after 13 yrs of marriage, I think it’s a legit question! lol) and I told him, “Yes” I was happy with where we were in our relationship, I loved our new home and all that came along with it and the direction our lives were going in at that time. I then told him that I was scared that something was going to happen to ruin it all. He assured me that nothing would happen to take our happiness away. 3 days later he ended up in the hospital and they found…

My husband Steve visited me last night, in my dreams. He was laying in a bed, and I touched his arm and asked him for a kiss. I told him I knew this wasn’t real so I wanted a kiss. He laid there and smiled at me. It was a nice visit.

I came across something called “The Mourner’s Bill of Rights” and there were 10 bullet points. One of them made me feel so better about how I’ve been feeling the past week or so – I have been SO UNMOTIVED lately. I haven’t cooked in two weeks, and have no desire to even go food shopping. I have new furniture coming for Allison this week which means everything has to come out of her room and I have the Book Fair at the girl’s school coming up in less than a week and I haven’t done anything for that either. I hate feeling this way. But at least this helps me to understand that it’s normal. It said “You have the right to be tolerant…