Today would have been my 16th Wedding Anniversary

My husband Steve visited me last night, in my dreams. He was laying in a bed, and I touched his arm and asked him for a kiss. I told him I knew this wasn’t real so I wanted a kiss. He laid there and smiled at me. It was a nice visit.

One of my best friends had these bears made for the girls from two of Steve’s Hawaiian shirts. They are amazing and the girls absolutely love them!!! The shirts he wore tons of times so they remind them of him. Such a wonderful and thoughtful gift! Thank you Jaime Lutynski Kilday!!! You are an amazing person and I’m happy to call you my friend. Xoxoxoxo

3 years ago today, Steve and I went out to celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary. It was a Saturday night. When we got home that night Steve asked me if I was happy (after 13 yrs of marriage, I think it’s a legit question! lol) and I told him, “Yes” I was happy with where we were in our relationship, I loved our new home and all that came along with it and the direction our lives were going in at that time. I then told him that I was scared that something was going to happen to ruin it all. He assured me that nothing would happen to take our happiness away. 3 days later he ended up in the hospital and they found…

I know most days it appears that I’m fine, but I am not. I am still very fragile, sad, lonely and missing Steve.   I wish sometimes I could hang a sign around my neck asking people to be sensitive to me, think about what they are going to say and consider keeping it to themselves. But I can’t. Unless you’ve grieved the loss of someone as close as a spouse, there is no way to know how it feels, and I don’t expect anyone to, nor do I want anyone I love to know how it feels, but it does still hurt and I think about him every single day. Yes, I need help from time to time. I’m doing this alone, I have…

Well, friends, 2017 was an interesting year for my entire family…. So much happened….. cancer diagnosis for my brother (he’s doing great!)… a flood down 3 stories in my house (but I now have a GORGEOUS new bathroom)… I broke my hand (my right hand and yes I’m right handed)… the trees on the side of my house fell and hit the house (no major damage…except for my broken hand)…pneumonia for my father in law 2+ times (he’s doing well right now)…. painful kidney stones for my mother in law (she finally has some relief after a year of pain)….the lose of another neighborhood dad 🙁 ….NEW FRIENDS…. a road trip to Florida with some of my Greenwood Peeps…. a road trip to PA with…