My husband Steve visited me last night, in my dreams.
He was laying in a bed, and I touched his arm and asked him for a kiss. I told him I knew this wasn’t real so I wanted a kiss. He laid there and smiled at me.
It was a nice visit. 
Christmas 2016 happened less than 2 months after we buried Steve. We all went through the motions becacuse we had too…. for the kids. But honestly, I felt like a fruad. I still sent out Christmas Cards, but they weren’t “Bright & Merry”… I did it because that’s what I do, I send out cards every Christmas. I mailed them along with Thank You notes to those that attended his Funural. Yes, it was weird. When shopping for my inlaws, I was completely stumped. What do you buy for someone who just lost their son… their only child. Not much. Actually, NOTHING. But I came up with a couple of ideas – I printed a beauiful picture of Steve that I took of him…
One of my best friends had these bears made for the girls from two of Steve’s Hawaiian shirts. They are amazing and the girls absolutely love them!!! The shirts he wore tons of times so they remind them of him. Such a wonderful and thoughtful gift! Thank you Jaime Lutynski Kilday!!! You are an amazing person and I’m happy to call you my friend. Xoxoxoxo
I came across something called “The Mourner’s Bill of Rights” and there were 10 bullet points. One of them made me feel so better about how I’ve been feeling the past week or so – I have been SO UNMOTIVED lately. I haven’t cooked in two weeks, and have no desire to even go food shopping. I have new furniture coming for Allison this week which means everything has to come out of her room and I have the Book Fair at the girl’s school coming up in less than a week and I haven’t done anything for that either. I hate feeling this way. But at least this helps me to understand that it’s normal. It said “You have the right to be tolerant…
I know most days it appears that I’m fine, but I am not. I am still very fragile, sad, lonely and missing Steve. I wish sometimes I could hang a sign around my neck asking people to be sensitive to me, think about what they are going to say and consider keeping it to themselves. But I can’t. Unless you’ve grieved the loss of someone as close as a spouse, there is no way to know how it feels, and I don’t expect anyone to, nor do I want anyone I love to know how it feels, but it does still hurt and I think about him every single day. Yes, I need help from time to time. I’m doing this alone, I have…
3 years ago today, Steve and I went out to celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary. It was a Saturday night. When we got home that night Steve asked me if I was happy (after 13 yrs of marriage, I think it’s a legit question! lol) and I told him, “Yes” I was happy with where we were in our relationship, I loved our new home and all that came along with it and the direction our lives were going in at that time. I then told him that I was scared that something was going to happen to ruin it all. He assured me that nothing would happen to take our happiness away. 3 days later he ended up in the hospital and they found…
Well, friends, 2017 was an interesting year for my entire family…. So much happened….. cancer diagnosis for my brother (he’s doing great!)… a flood down 3 stories in my house (but I now have a GORGEOUS new bathroom)… I broke my hand (my right hand and yes I’m right handed)… the trees on the side of my house fell and hit the house (no major damage…except for my broken hand)…pneumonia for my father in law 2+ times (he’s doing well right now)…. painful kidney stones for my mother in law (she finally has some relief after a year of pain)….the lose of another neighborhood dad 🙁 ….NEW FRIENDS…. a road trip to Florida with some of my Greenwood Peeps…. a road trip to PA with…